nrsg 204 & 205

Today marked the beginning of my psychiatric nursing course and tomorrow will be my first clinical experience. I’m definitely looking forward to the next five weeks, especially interacting with the patients, but with that anticipation comes some trepidation because, well, these patients are hospitalized for a reason — they’re battling serious mental issues. The potential for an explosive outburst from a patient is very real, and that is obviously a little worrisome. Regardless, I’m hopeful for a unique learning experience.

I’m also looking forward to the theory side of the course. Perhaps I’m expecting a little too much, but it would be great if I could gain some, even just the slightest, insight into my own mental issues. I thought the anxiety and chaos were beginning to settle, but yesterday and today have been tough, and I’m seriously considering seeing someone. I’m practically living paycheck to paycheck, and I’ve no idea how I’d pay to see a doctor and afford the medication(s), but I feel I’m getting closer to the breaking point.  The last time I saw a psychiatrist was over two years ago (I had health insurance then), and the entire experience was a huge disappointment. I thought I’d sit down with the doctor once every two weeks or so and discuss my issues, but no such thing happened. It was more like this: tell me how you’re feeling, and I’ll write you a prescription, then, if the meds aren’t working, call me and we’ll try something else.

So once again I’m in the position of hoping for relief, but I realize my health insurance situation and chaotic school-work schedule will make it incredibly difficult to  find someone. Anyone. Especially a doc who I feel is competent and comforting.

I’ll probably do what I’ve done time and time again: just tough it out and hope for the best.

t/c/m

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~ by the coordinates of memories on 27 June 2011.

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